


Thunderstorm

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Comfort, Depressive Episode, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Sad Dan Howell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2018-07-21
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:30:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15379713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan falls into a depressive episode while Phil is away for a family emergency.





	Thunderstorm

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Mild descriptions of depressions

Rain fell in heaps onto the pavement of the busy London street below. It was only June, but summer had come early that year, making it a surprise when the first rain drops had fallen. The sun had been drying out the pavement for what had to be weeks now, giving the rain dry asphalt to bounce off of. Ultimately wafting the smell of wet asphalt up to the window from which Dan was looking.

He sat perched on his computer chair, legs crossed over one another, watching the rain fall. Letting the pitter-patter sounds of rain wash over him as the rain hit his window. The thunderstorm had come out of nowhere, the clouds having appeared suddenly to quickly soak unsuspecting London-goers. Forcing children to be escorted in to the safety of their homes by their parents. 

Dan watched people dart across the street, seeking shelter in nearby cafes. Enjoying the view of the somewhat endless water supply falling from the sky. A feeling of insignificance washing over him, but not in a bad way. 

Phil had only left to visit his family four days ago, for some family emergency, but in that time, Dan had managed to let his world fall apart. 

He had no idea how he had accomplished it, one minute he had hugged Phil farewell, and the next he had found himself lying in his bed in a ball. Darkness consuming his gut, making all other emotions feel invalid and unnecessary. 

He had tried to do what he was supposed to do; eat, drink, sleep, shower. He tried to do things he actually enjoyed; watch anime, write a script for a video, browse tumblr, but it all felt useless. Nothing gave him enough reason to get up and out of bed.

The depression had come on as quickly as the rain had. No cause for the depression even being at all obvious in Dan’s jumbled brain. Then with Phil gone, he had no one to talk to, no one to help him find the reason for the dreadful thoughts, no one to help him through it. Leaving him to seek relief by lying in pitch black of his room, letting it slowly consume him.

Phil had texted Dan, but he hadn’t read the messages. Too lost in dark thoughts to bother with a response, or anything for that matter.

But then, the rain had started.

It had started off quiet, barely loud enough to be heard, but soon enough Dan could hear it. The soft pitter-patter of rain against a window, thunder rolling loudly in the distance, cars honking in traffic.

It put Dan’s body in a trance like state, causing him to roll out of bed without much thought. He grabbed his computer chair, pulled it over to his window and sat down, immediately encapsulated by the water droplets.

Watching the rain fall felt soothing, like a hand rubbing his back gently. The wind sweeping through the air, whispering kind words. The smell of wet asphalt bringing back memories from his childhood. It was all too sweet, but still reminded him that happiness wasn’t all gone.

The dark thoughts were slowly wiped from his brain, focus drawn to the sounds that felt all around him. Leaving his mind blank and numb, but it was better than the overshadowing whispers he had been hearing the past few days. 

The storm continued to rage and Dan continues to watch for what felt like hours. Exhaustion finally taking over when he closed his eyes and drifted off to sleep, the sound of rain a soothing white noise.

 

A hand on his shoulder woke Dan’s consciousness from its slumber, along with a voice saying, _Dan, Dan _, softly over and over again. The contact and words were sweet enough to make him want to fall back asleep, but then the voice continued, _Are those the same clothes I left you in? And why didn’t you respond to my messages? _____

__

__That sentence jolted Dan completely awake and found Phil’s concerned face right in front of him._ _

__

__“I-- um, I didn’t--” Dan started, looking down at the obvious tracks that he had let himself go. The piles of dirty dishes on his bed, the oil coating his hair, the wrinkled clothing he still wore._ _

__

__Dan opened his mouth to try and cover up his current depressive episode, but found the darkness that had found home in him coiling tighter, forcing his mouth to close._ _

__

__Dan wanted to apologize for the tears cascading down his cheeks; for sabotaging himself by not responding to Phil’s messages; for not showering in days; to express how disappointed in himself he was, but his mouth wasn’t getting the memo._ _

__

__Luckily Phil did._ _

__

__Arms were wrapping around him, pulling Dan’s body into what felt like the first real _thing _in days. He buried his face further into Phil’s chest letting small promises be whispered into his ear. Letting Phil gently brush fingers through his brown, dirty, hair.___ _

__

____Sobs racked through Dan’s body, tears streaming down his cheeks. His body trying to flush out the darkness in his gut, tear after tear._ _ _ _

__

____He cried for an infinitely long amount of time, but was probably only minutes. Draining every last tear from his body, clinging onto Phil, the only life preserver he had in the sea of darkness._ _ _ _

__

____A bit of him felt embarrassed, wanted to shrink away from Phil, to hide his tears, but too much of him _needed _this physical contact to let go.___ _ _ _

__

______With shaking hands, he pushed Phil away when the tears stopped, wanting to hide his tear stained face despite Phil having witnessed every single tear._ _ _ _ _ _

__

______“Bath?”_ _ _ _ _ _

__

______ _ _ _ _

__

______Dan let Phil take his hand. Let Phil escort him down the hall._ _ _ _ _ _

__

______He watched Phil start the bath. Watched Phil add his favorite bubble bath._ _ _ _ _ _

__

______He allowed Phil to remove his clothes. Allowed Phil to help him into the bath._ _ _ _ _ _

__

______He accepted that Phil was going to do everything, too numb to really process what was happening. Too raw and vulnerable to even hear the small voice in his head telling him to _cover up _.___ _ _ _ _ _

__

________Warmth crept over his body as he sat down in the mountain of bubbles, his body relaxing and sinking into the soothing water. Dan registered his head fell back against the edge of the bath, noticed his eyes slipping closed on instinct. It was relaxing, the water massaging his skin, the bubbles hiding his insecurities, Phil watching over him. It loosened the grip that the darkness had so tightly had upon him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________“Sit up, head back,” Phil’s soothing voice said over the sound of lapping of water._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________Obeying, Dan sat up, sighing contently as Phil poured warm water onto his hair. Drenching it and sending goosebumps along his fair skin._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________“Lay back now.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________Phil sat on the edge of the tub fully clothed as he began squirting coconut shampoo onto his palm. Everything felt false, clouded by something at his peripheral, but whenever he tried to catch _it _, _it _disappeared further from his sight. The only thing that quite brought clarity was Phil, but with clarity comes reality._____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

____________With Dan’s consciousness returning slowly, his thoughts became a tsunami of-- _You’re fine you don’t need Phil to baby you. This is only re-enforcing that you can’t function without-- _Gentle hands massaging his scalp released a sad sigh from Dan’s throat and froze the venomous thoughts in their tracks.___ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________He leaned into the touching, letting Phil’s fingers wash the oils from his hair, along with his now silent thoughts. It made him almost forget the depression he had found himself in, but his tearstained face left a temporary reminder._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________His skin was tender to the touch, the slightest breeze irritating his overstimulated cheeks. His eyes bloodshot, making his brown irises stand out in a horribly captivating way. To summarize, it felt like absolute shit._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________Phil went through the motions of bathing Dan, requesting every so often for Dan to lean forward, back, or close his eyes. He went through the process affectionately, but professionally, not saying anything unless absolutely necessary._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________When Phil had reached the end of what was ‘appropriately washing’ Dan, Phil handed Dan the washcloth and let him finish on his own._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________By the time Dan was done, the water had gone cold and all the bubbles had disappeared. Stepping out of the tub, Dan was greeted by Phil who held a towel open in his arms, waiting to wrap Dan like a baby. Smiling for the first time in days, he stepped forward and allowed himself to be greeted by the soft cotton fabric._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________“Get dressed in some pyjamas, then meet me on the couch. I’ll make some tea.” Phil squeezed his shoulder gently before ushering him out of the bathroom. Dan stumbled slightly but made it to his room with no injuries and started getting dressed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________The pyjamas that he decided to put on were flannel, soft against his freshly cleaned skin and warm to his cold thoughts. The fresh clean clothes lifted the invisible weights that had been placed on Dan’s shoulders, convincing him to seek out Phil, rather than his bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________He walked slowly down the hall, and despite his snail like movements, he eventually reached the living room._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________Dan found Phil already there sipping a cup of tea, the steam fogging his glasses, but too lost in thought to register it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________He also failed to notice Dan, so he used the free moment to look over Phil. He had furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips, clear signs that he was worried or stressed. Dan knew he had to be the reason for stress and wanted to apologize for so many things. For--_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________Phil must have felt Dan’s gaze burning into him and turned with mild surprise._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________“Oh-- I didn’t see you, sorry,” Phil sat up straight on the couch, seeming somewhat flustered to have been caught in his own thoughts. He hid it well though as he leaned over to the coffee table to pick up a second cup of tea, one that Dan hadn’t registered on his radar. Patting the couch beside him, Phil beckoned Dan over, “Jasmine tea, just how you like it.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________A small smile couldn’t help but dance on Dan’s lips as he slowly made his way across the room and onto the couch besides Phil. He took the cup of tea from which Phil offered and took a sip, relishing in the warmth. Dan enjoyed a few sips while avoiding Phil’s gaze letting silence fall, but comfortable silence soon turned awkward, causing Dan to break._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________Setting his cup of tea on the coffee table, barely touched, he began his list off excuses, “I’m sorry. It was stupid. I should have replied--texted you, telling you I had a problem. I just didn’t want to overwhelm you--”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________“Dan.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________“And with the family emerg--”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________“Dan!”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________Dan stopped, looking down at his hands, clasping them in different ways as a distraction, trying to shrink away into the couch._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________“Dan, look at me.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

______________He couldn’t, he couldn’t face what had to be disappointment in Phil’s eyes. He couldn’t face what Phil’s next words were most likely going to be. _I don’t need your excuses, I’m disappointed in you. You should have-- _____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________“Dan!” Fingers grabbed his chin and forced his gaze up, giving full view of once again Phil’s concerned face. “Stop, just stop, take a deep breathe. We don’t need to talk about this right now, or even tomorrow. I know how hard this can be for you, don’t let yourself spiral. Stay grounded, I’m right here.”_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________The words washed over Dan, and brought his consciousness back to life. Phil didn’t care about the excuses, he only wanted to help._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________Phil put his tea down besides Dan’s and patted his lap, an invitation that Dan got quite often when he had his depressive episodes._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________A feeling of gratitude spun in his gut as he twisted on the couch, lying his head on Phil’s lap and stretching the rest of his body across the couch, tossing his feet over the end._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________Dan closed his eyes and soon felt fingers running through his wet hair, massaging his scalp. His whole body relaxed, a small hum of appreciation breaking a comfortable silence._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

________________Dan knew his tea was getting cold, he knew this wasn’t going to cure his depression, he knew that he couldn’t avoid talking about it forever. But, he could forget it all now, and enjoy feeling safe. Letting fingers chase away darkness and rain over power dark thoughts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__

**Author's Note:**

> That was the first fanfic I ever wrote, and it only took me two weeks to gain the courage to post it, yay! I would like to thank my friend Sophie for being my beta and support! ( I would give a source to find her, but alas she has none except in real life. ) And if you would like to find me else where, come check out my tumblr at hearteyesmimi


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